Nighttime Fear and Separation Anxiety
If you have an older toddler or preschooler, you may have started to see some increased fear and anxiety around bedtime. As difficult as this can be – rest assured – it is completely normal. We’ve experienced some increased fear and anxiety around bedtime in our house recently, so I wanted to share some things that have been effective.
1. Routine, routine, routine. Kids thrive on routine, so keeping it consistent is key. Kids like to know what to expect. When things become unexpected, it can be scary or unsettling for them. I get it – it’s harder during the summer to create and keep a consistent routine. If you can, focus on having reliable morning and bedtime routines.
2. Have playtime in their room NOT at bedtime. Being along in their room can be scary if the only time that they are in their rooms is when they are alone. Have a dance party, read books, and play with the lights turned off so that your kiddo understands that their room is a fun, safe space.
3. If you are stressed about bedtime, kids will sense it. If bedtime has become a battle, play it cool. You don’t have to have it all together, just be confident and your kiddo will pick up on that, too.
4. If you are dealing specifically with fears around bedtime, assure your little one that “everyone is the house is safe.” Don’t say, “I’ll keep you safe.” This may indicate to your little one that there is something to be afraid of.
5. If your child is afraid of the dark, it may help to have your child create a world that is all their own. Discuss and create the world with them – are there candy rainbows? Neon unicorns? Maybe some princesses or animals or magical creatures live there. Before you leave the room for the night, have your child think about this magical place.
6. Find a book that your kiddo can relate to. We’ve been reading, and I highly recommend, “The Invisible String” by Patrice Karst. This book talks about how we are connected by an invisible string, even when we are apart.
7. Have them wear mom or dad’s shirt to bed. This can make them feel safe and secure – and they will feel reallyimportant and close to you.
Don’t forget - fear and anxiety is normal and developmentally appropriate. As a parent it can be frustrating because you know that there are no monsters in the closet and you know that they will be safe. Keep your cool, keep your routine, never dismiss their feelings. While it may seem silly to you, it is very real to them. You’ve got this!
And, as always, if you need some more support or guidance – please reach out to me at nikki@nikkinelsonsleepconsulting.com. It would truly be an honor to help your family.